Useless Ramblings...: Proud

well im very proud of myself. i laid down around 1:16 and set my alarm for 2:30. my mom told me i should clear off my walls and shelves and put blue tape down. since i will be painting my walls this weekend. so after laying down. i thot i would just get up and do that. im glad i did it then, cus if i would have slept and then did it, i would want to lie back down again, but wouldnt have time. my back and shoulders got really tense when i was moving stuff around. that always happens. so since i did it now, i might be able to lay back down, i dont know. then i put some blue tape on the floor molding, i didnt do much, but did get a good start.

i had my last compeer painting lesson. but i decided to not go cus i was tired. but since i didnt lay down. who knows i may end up dropping by. it wouldnt hurt.

i got my hair cut today. new style and even felt daring and got some bangs. ill try to post photos.
and i will took pictures of my last two watercolor paintings. not good, but theyre ok. i will try to post those as well.

i went to the library yesterday and got some books on depression. i read one of them last night.

it was kind of childish, with pictures, so thats why i was able to finish it in one sitting.

it was called. conquering the beat within: how i fought depression and won... and how you can, too by cait irwin. shes like young. but she illustrated it too. there was a chapter in it about symptoms. and i thot i would post the symptoms that related to me and other things too. she called her depression a beast/wolf-like creature. i dont really call my depression anything, but maybe i should..

here are some things i could relate to:

chapter two: symptoms of the beast---sadness, loniless, feeling like your trapped. frustration, stress. always feeling tired and weak. you don't have any drive or ambition, nothing matters; no matter how important it is. slurred or slow speech. headaches. memory loss. " the beast sometimes makes it impossible to fall asleep. "

chapter four: your battle begins now--" watching a good tv show usually helps, too. it was always calming for me to go to a movie because it is quite and peaceful. " I can actually see myself doing that. Plus there are a lot of movies that my parents don't wanna see, so I could just go in town and by myself. It's a small theater so I wouldnt feel overwhelmed. " You can escape and get you mind off your problems for awhile. " Find a hobby... I do need to find a hobby. Something besides photography..soemthing new. " it could be going to the zoo, or being out in nature. " I definately like these things! " Some ways that you can help yourself physically are... Less sugar intake....It's also good to get some vitamins, expecially if you have problems with eating ( I should look into this ). Eat foods with high protien. Exercise.."

chapter five: therapy, hospitalization, and healing--"We started to see a pattern within my depressive behavior. PMS symtpoms and depression symptoms are almost identicical. My hormone levels seemed to be making my depression twice as bad, once a month. That's the last thing you need to deal with!. talk to you therapist or psychiatrist about seeing a gyn. i know it's another dr to see, but it might really help. ( if i had insurance, i'd do this ) it helped me to start taking hormone pills. they didnt interfere with my antidepressants. "

new hair cut:

glasses