Busy day, today

so i had a busy day today...

had a dentist appt at 10,45. thot i had a cavity, but didnt. wonder how much theyll charge me.
went to pick jesse up around 11,15. we went to lunch. and then odd lots and walmart. it was fun.

but i dont know if i wanna do it again. yeah i was a bit uncomfortable bc of my social skills, but i felt peerpressured into buying stuff. oh well. i think i will return everything i bought tho. he may have been in a manic stage or something, super high and wanted to buy everything! i bought stuff i didnt need. and i need to stop buying stuff so yeah..

i had a 2,30 appt in blanchester and wanted to be on the road for that by 2. my mom called around 1,50 seeing where i was. told her i was at my car at walmart and about to take jesse home. so then i was freaking out by the time, but how late it was. and i still needed to get something at my house. so i swung by my house and picked some things up. dropped jesse off at his place. and then called my mom cus i was freaking out. i was not going to be at the drs by 2,30 and i just didnt know what to do. and i had forgotten a piece of paper for the whole reason why i made the appt (i had to have the dr fill out a medical cert. like a physical). so my mom ended up calling the drs. and i went back home and picked it up. and drove one. i called my mom, she said they said i had to be there by 2,45. i was freaking out and crying, and reaally not well enough to drive over there, but i did. got there around 2,45. they said theyd have to ask the dr if i was too late. turns out they had an opening at 3. so i waited. it worked out fine. i told her some other concerns and i feel so dumb. i always go in the wth these bizarre concerns and she always tells me its nothing to worry about it or says its the medicine im on. i am so frustrated with no knowing whats wrong with me. i am determined to find out why i feel so bad. its mentally , but also physically. and before the dr came in,, i got my vitals. the lady took my pulse on the left, and said, mmm lemme check the other arm, youre usually not that high/fast. checked the toher one, same thing. i was thinking to myself, myaybe finally something will be wrong, everything will ctach up with me and something will be wrong... but no.. nothing.. whatever...

so thats that... oh yeah i got the physical, bc i think i am going to do an stna program. its a 2 week long course./program. not too excited about it and not too devasted. i just dont care. ill try it. but then go from there. i dont know. stna stands for state tested nurse assistant.. like a nurse aide. who knows what ill dow ith it..

sorry for the typos. i feel so shaking and just cant type rihgt.

everything seems like a huge effort for me.. typing, reading, walking, etc. i cant even sleep at night .. i go to bed early. lie there. and eventually fall asleep, but then ill wake up several times a night. i cant drive very well. im surprised i havent killed anyone. i always freak out. cus im like. oh shit, i didnt see that person/car.. etc.. i dont know. i feel like im in a daze all the time and esp. while driving. yeah i know some ppl get hypnotized while driving.. but this is different.

im lonely.. im tired... god i dont know.

see my new therapist tomorrow. ill see how that goes. im sure ill have something to write about from that..

i dont know. im getting a headache.