Waste

today was a nice day.. the weather i mean. got up around noon. i do set my alarm the night before. but it ends up going off and i just let it go off until the ringer stops. kind of annoying, but id rather listen to it go off than get up out of bed. so i think it went off around 10:20, and of course i was so confused an tired when it went off. so yeah i ddint get up.

i had a few errands i needed to run, but of course i didnt do them. i basically sat at the computer all day transferring my yahoo photos to snapfish. i felt bad for my dog, bc i wasnt paying attention to him. then i felt like going outside and just lieing on the ground. but i didnt want anyone to see me. so i didnt do that. my parents wanted me to talk a walk with them, but i said no. i had to force myself to go vote this evening.. other than that.. didnt leave the house, at all.

my mom has been nagging on me about getting a job. she has the classifieds section on the counter with jobs circles. she keeps asking if i have called the temp agencys. and now she wants me to go around and drop resumes off. she circled an ad from addecco. and im assuming she wants me to check out the clerical positions. at first i was like, find ill call and make an appt. but now i just remembered earlier. that they wont give you a clerical job unless you have experience. if i go in for an appt. i am going to request for clerical. and then when they say, 'we cant hire anyone without previous office work experience" like that have said numerous times to me, then i will say, do you have any suggestions for my getting experience, bc you have to start somewhere. i have the education, just not the experience. and then, my mom has circled receptionist positions. i thought she knew i would suck at that job.. but evidently not.. whatever...

everyone has come into my life and left. so i am here, by myself. i am sick of ppl saying they are so alone and they just want someone to listen to them. but then when i do offer to listen or i do email them or IM, they just are completely quiet. i dont know. its basically whats going on right now.. i have no one. every1 has gotten a job, is in school, or just is too busy for the internet or even to hang out in person. i want to say something, but cant get it out right..

so here goes.. i IMed someone online. i was feeling really shitty and i guess they were too. so they just said something like kill yourself, sorry but thats all i can say.. after theu said that, i just thot.. well they obviously dont even care about me, friendship or relationship, whatever. bc i would never tell someone to just kill themself. i would try to help them, but never just kill yourself. so it really hurt me. i dont know. now after that, i dont really have anyone online.. to talk to. so whatever..

i will probably go to bed early.. at least try.. i dont know what else to do. i have a movie to watch, but i dont feel like watching it. and i dont wanna watch it just to watch it and then return it.. or i dont wanna feel obligated to watch it. i want to actually enjoy it.. who knows, what ill do.