Help

help.. i need help..

i dont feel good. my head hurts, im shaky, im dizzy, im irritable, im agitated, im depressed, im feeling low. i felt like doing something impulsive, but trapped and couldnt do it, or something.

got up around 10 or something, i forget..

took my stay awake pill sometime between 10 and 11. got gas, left town around 11:25. got lost on the way, but got help from my dad. i wasnt worried or freaked out. had plenty of time..

arrived around 12:35. had to pee really bad, then went to the office after that. filled out papers. i was really shaky. not sure if it was bc i didnt eat or from the pill. talked to a few drs or whoever there. signed the consent forms. peed in a cup, small physical, ekg, blood work. i swear the person who took the blood, has never done it b4. it was wierd. and blood went everywhere. i think the guy was gay. he was the secratary or whatever and drew my blood. hah. and he said sorry it was so messy, usually a lab tech is here. uhm ok.. it was gross, he didnt even wipe the blood up that spilled and i saw he had my bloood on his ungloved hand. whatever..

made another appt for next week, or something.

got lost on the way back.

decided that i am going to call and drop out. i dont wanna drive to dayton.

on my way home, i was speeding. had weird impulisive feelings. was speeding is all i could think of, .. felt sick when i got closer to home.

i only had like 15 minutes to myself.

my mom came home around 4. i immediately felt even more agitated and irritable. her voice annoys me. everyhting does.

didnt know where to go. i was trapped, once again, came up here. i wanted to record a video. but i stll dont know the mic thing. whatever..

writing this.

no one online.

dont know what to do.

i ahve to go out to eat with my mom. sigh. i dont know. i dont want to..

i want to be alone i dont feel safe.