Trial Study

so i drive down to cincy tomorrow morning. im not too worried about it. cept some ass hole at uc threaten that he would do something worse than the vt shootings. so i am a little worried about that.. but i dont think the drive will be too bad.. i am leaving extra early. leave around 9.15 and then the appt is at 11. *shrugs* i dont know. we will see how it goes. fyi, its a clinical trial study for major depressive disorder. i honestly have been noticing everything getting worse.. no idea why or what triggered it.. but oh well.

my mind is starting to race a lot or thoughts just come in my head and leave and back and forth. i am starting to lie awake at night thinking and worrying, again.. havent done that in awhile..

i skipped my work readiness class wednesday.. i dont know. didnt feel like going.. its stupid anyways.. i havent even returned the paperwork to the bvr counselor person, yet.. for some reason it doesnt click for me.. in order to speed things up i have to put some effort into it.. but yeah.. i dont seem to get a move on with things.

finished up my mental health assessment at the local mental health center. turns out i wont be eligible to see a psychiatrist in my town at the center, unless i stop seeing the psych in the next county,.. did that make sense? thats another thing. i ramble and cant make sense of things in voice or typing/writing.. but yeah.. so basically i will be able to see a psych and a therapist. but the psych appt wont be until like several months on down the road.. so i guess thats good. but the therapy is free. i cant see how much free therapy will benefit but oh well.. whatever

i have a bad habit of telling ppl, well more like emailing and IMing ppl, that i want to get together and do things with them. but then when the time comes to figure out what to do or actually commit to something, i freak out and bail.. its such a weakness. i am not sure its a commitment issue or something else.. i do have the commitment issue with other things. like i will buy stuff. and never really wear them. bc i am afraid i wont wear it or get good use out of it, and then waste my money or someone elses money.. stupid, i know.. but yeah..

i dont know. im a dumbass...

i dont know.. does anyone know how to add other bloggers or like subscribe to them...? i dont know. how to describe what i want.. damn.. thats not good.. most of the time i cant explain or describe pain or the reason why i at the drs office.. nevermind.. yeah, no one gonna just randomly find my site and comment. so whatever.

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i forgot to mention this. on tuesday when i was finishing up my mental health assessment. the woman asked if anyone has died recently or have i gone thru a period of grief or bereavement. i said, well i lost a dog.. i knew she meant humans or ppl close to me. i told her a little about chester. but it kind of think she wasnt taking it seriously or wanted to move on to the next question. but i think his death has affected my stability.. but oh well. i was kind of hurt, by the way she handled it. but oh well.