Heh (sarcasm), Me Again...

I fucked up, ... again!

god i hate this.

so start from the beginning.

i am trying to get all the bridesmaid and my sister, the bride, together for a stupid bachlorette party. i really dont want anything to do with it.. even b4 i messed things up.. but i was doing my best to 'pretend' to get things together and have fun. so yeah, my sister FINALLY sent me an email about her ideas. one bridesmaid sent me an email to me and another bridemaid. about getting things together for the b-party. SO i thot id fwd my sister's email to both of them and let them know what my sister thot. i was kind of cautious about doing that, cus i didnt ask my sister. but there was nothing in it bad. and it was to help everyone cater to HER party for HER, i thot it would help. so basically i talked to my sister on the phone. i had this huge list of questions to ask to finalize things and make reservations for the restaurant. and i told her how i had been talking to the two bridesmaids thru email. and she asked what ever1 was saying. and i said i had fwd the email she sent me and then said i few ideas every1 had. then her tone of voice changed, and was like... oh.. i wished u wouldnt have done that.. i hate when ppl do that..then i knew i fucked up and my voice cracked and i started to cry.. i wanted to hang up. but i just said i have to go then, and ill do this later.. god. i always seem to fuck things up..

so i cried in the bathroom, tempted to stay in there the rest of the nite. but i cant let my parents know that im struggling. they dont need that right now.. i am tempted to let them know, but i cant. not now.. so i sucked it up and came out here to the computer.. and then...my dad knocks on the door with flowers in his hand... i feel terrible.

*god it is so hard for me to bullshit. my dad just bought me some flowers for my birthday.. why cant i be appreciative.. who knows.. i am, but im just not happy. god im gonna cry, again.. * blah...

OH, and i *think* my mom saw my new cuts.. its likein the 80s so i put shorts on. i never wear shorts, but the cuts are quite visible. but i am not sure actually saw them.. i dont know whatever.. it doesnt matter. cus she never gets concerned or whatever..