been busy....been dogsitting and staying at the house at nite.
my mom said a few things about my hair pulling. i didnt appreciate it. she said it is a serious thing, but she always thot i was doing it for her attention. like when i would pull my eye lashes. or she thought that i picked it up. read something or saw something online and just started doing it. no, wrong both times. i told her it started well before middle school. i told her an incident when someone noticed my lashes missing..in middle school..and she was like, oh i didnt realize that..and i think she said im sorry. who knows. it just pissed me off.
i think my lexapro or combination of abilify is helping the pulling.. havent felt the urge or havent pulled. so thats good.
i have a headache
i am really behind on my faves and stuff. so im sorry. thanks for the notes, tho.
got some books at the library. but im not low on concentration and focus to actually read them. oh well.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Proud
well im very proud of myself. i laid down around 1:16 and set my alarm for 2:30. my mom told me i should clear off my walls and shelves and put blue tape down. since i will be painting my walls this weekend. so after laying down. i thot i would just get up and do that. im glad i did it then, cus if i would have slept and then did it, i would want to lie back down again, but wouldnt have time. my back and shoulders got really tense when i was moving stuff around. that always happens. so since i did it now, i might be able to lay back down, i dont know. then i put some blue tape on the floor molding, i didnt do much, but did get a good start.
i had my last compeer painting lesson. but i decided to not go cus i was tired. but since i didnt lay down. who knows i may end up dropping by. it wouldnt hurt.
i got my hair cut today. new style and even felt daring and got some bangs. ill try to post photos.
and i will took pictures of my last two watercolor paintings. not good, but theyre ok. i will try to post those as well.
and i will took pictures of my last two watercolor paintings. not good, but theyre ok. i will try to post those as well.
i went to the library yesterday and got some books on depression. i read one of them last night.
it was kind of childish, with pictures, so thats why i was able to finish it in one sitting.
it was called. conquering the beat within: how i fought depression and won... and how you can, too by cait irwin. shes like young. but she illustrated it too. there was a chapter in it about symptoms. and i thot i would post the symptoms that related to me and other things too. she called her depression a beast/wolf-like creature. i dont really call my depression anything, but maybe i should..
here are some things i could relate to:
chapter two: symptoms of the beast---sadness, loniless, feeling like your trapped. frustration, stress. always feeling tired and weak. you don't have any drive or ambition, nothing matters; no matter how important it is. slurred or slow speech. headaches. memory loss. " the beast sometimes makes it impossible to fall asleep. "
chapter four: your battle begins now--" watching a good tv show usually helps, too. it was always calming for me to go to a movie because it is quite and peaceful. " I can actually see myself doing that. Plus there are a lot of movies that my parents don't wanna see, so I could just go in town and by myself. It's a small theater so I wouldnt feel overwhelmed. " You can escape and get you mind off your problems for awhile. " Find a hobby... I do need to find a hobby. Something besides photography..soemthing new. " it could be going to the zoo, or being out in nature. " I definately like these things! " Some ways that you can help yourself physically are... Less sugar intake....It's also good to get some vitamins, expecially if you have problems with eating ( I should look into this ). Eat foods with high protien. Exercise.."
chapter five: therapy, hospitalization, and healing--"We started to see a pattern within my depressive behavior. PMS symtpoms and depression symptoms are almost identicical. My hormone levels seemed to be making my depression twice as bad, once a month. That's the last thing you need to deal with!. talk to you therapist or psychiatrist about seeing a gyn. i know it's another dr to see, but it might really help. ( if i had insurance, i'd do this ) it helped me to start taking hormone pills. they didnt interfere with my antidepressants. "
new hair cut:
glasses
no glasses
heres a random before shot...kind of recent.
water colors:
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
QuickEDIT
gotta make this short.
but im frustrated..
went to a new therapist.. made the mistake of telling her everything. after all, thats when you get the most out of therapy if youre honest.
told her i have trichotillomania. she like laughed or was like whats that. i told her where i pull. and she was like oh gosh, (made these weird noises) doesnt that hurt?made me feel real good.
the most logical thing would be to go to a nother therapist. but when youre unemployed and cant get public assistance or insurance, you pretty much just have to go with the county mental health center..
i have more to write. but i cant write it all wright now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so my appt didnt go so well. ....
she seems very relaxed and laid back, but still i didnt get good vibes from her, just from what all went on. i try not to judge ppl on the outside, so i am basing my opinions on other things
so like i said above.. she kind of laughed at my hair pulling.
maybe its cus i dont know how to do therapy. she asked what my history was and what worked didnt work. i jsut said i was some meds and none really helped. and i was just in talk therapy... nothing specific.
she kept on asking my questions, which is fine. but then asked me if i had any questions for her. i dont know what im supposed to ask. and i was never in that situation. so i just kept saying no.
then she looked at my individual treatment plan and saw that the cae manager put i had low motivation. she like made all these loud sighs (plus the whole time too). and was pretty much like, i dont know what i can do about that... my interrpretation was there is no help. i cant remember what all she said. but she did say something like maybe i am just going to be like the way i am for the rest of my life. i almost cried. but kept it in. i wanted her to call my mom and tell her what we talked about, bc i knew i wouldnt remember .. but she said that wasnt necessary. so whatever. she wants me parents to come in to talk with her. about my history, how i was in the past and how i am now. so whatever. my mom will be out of town, so my dad will come. i mean obviously i have some motivation, since i showed up. but whatever. then she mentioned some psych testing. cept they dont pay for it. could be 80 bucks or more or less. i guess she wants me to get her done for her benefit. so we dont spend our sessions wasting time to get through to me or whatever. she said the next couple of appts will be just getting know to me. whatever.. its pretty hard...
so that appt was at 11. and by the time it was finished i was exhausted, felt like the afternoon. but i still had some more stuff to do...
before the appt i had to get my tb test read. attempt to drop off my application at laurel oaks. ended up mailing it. then went to the library to get some books on depression. i hope i can read them. since i cant conentrate very well.
then had the appt.
came home ate. my dad and i went to ace to get paint for my room.
came home and eventually took a nap from 3 to 6 about.
thats my day
tomorrow, i have a hair appt. and compeer's painting lessons thing.
but im frustrated..
went to a new therapist.. made the mistake of telling her everything. after all, thats when you get the most out of therapy if youre honest.
told her i have trichotillomania. she like laughed or was like whats that. i told her where i pull. and she was like oh gosh, (made these weird noises) doesnt that hurt?made me feel real good.
the most logical thing would be to go to a nother therapist. but when youre unemployed and cant get public assistance or insurance, you pretty much just have to go with the county mental health center..
i have more to write. but i cant write it all wright now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so my appt didnt go so well. ....
she seems very relaxed and laid back, but still i didnt get good vibes from her, just from what all went on. i try not to judge ppl on the outside, so i am basing my opinions on other things
so like i said above.. she kind of laughed at my hair pulling.
maybe its cus i dont know how to do therapy. she asked what my history was and what worked didnt work. i jsut said i was some meds and none really helped. and i was just in talk therapy... nothing specific.
she kept on asking my questions, which is fine. but then asked me if i had any questions for her. i dont know what im supposed to ask. and i was never in that situation. so i just kept saying no.
then she looked at my individual treatment plan and saw that the cae manager put i had low motivation. she like made all these loud sighs (plus the whole time too). and was pretty much like, i dont know what i can do about that... my interrpretation was there is no help. i cant remember what all she said. but she did say something like maybe i am just going to be like the way i am for the rest of my life. i almost cried. but kept it in. i wanted her to call my mom and tell her what we talked about, bc i knew i wouldnt remember .. but she said that wasnt necessary. so whatever. she wants me parents to come in to talk with her. about my history, how i was in the past and how i am now. so whatever. my mom will be out of town, so my dad will come. i mean obviously i have some motivation, since i showed up. but whatever. then she mentioned some psych testing. cept they dont pay for it. could be 80 bucks or more or less. i guess she wants me to get her done for her benefit. so we dont spend our sessions wasting time to get through to me or whatever. she said the next couple of appts will be just getting know to me. whatever.. its pretty hard...
so that appt was at 11. and by the time it was finished i was exhausted, felt like the afternoon. but i still had some more stuff to do...
before the appt i had to get my tb test read. attempt to drop off my application at laurel oaks. ended up mailing it. then went to the library to get some books on depression. i hope i can read them. since i cant conentrate very well.
then had the appt.
came home ate. my dad and i went to ace to get paint for my room.
came home and eventually took a nap from 3 to 6 about.
thats my day
tomorrow, i have a hair appt. and compeer's painting lessons thing.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Busy day, today
so i had a busy day today...
had a dentist appt at 10,45. thot i had a cavity, but didnt. wonder how much theyll charge me.
went to pick jesse up around 11,15. we went to lunch. and then odd lots and walmart. it was fun.
but i dont know if i wanna do it again. yeah i was a bit uncomfortable bc of my social skills, but i felt peerpressured into buying stuff. oh well. i think i will return everything i bought tho. he may have been in a manic stage or something, super high and wanted to buy everything! i bought stuff i didnt need. and i need to stop buying stuff so yeah..
i had a 2,30 appt in blanchester and wanted to be on the road for that by 2. my mom called around 1,50 seeing where i was. told her i was at my car at walmart and about to take jesse home. so then i was freaking out by the time, but how late it was. and i still needed to get something at my house. so i swung by my house and picked some things up. dropped jesse off at his place. and then called my mom cus i was freaking out. i was not going to be at the drs by 2,30 and i just didnt know what to do. and i had forgotten a piece of paper for the whole reason why i made the appt (i had to have the dr fill out a medical cert. like a physical). so my mom ended up calling the drs. and i went back home and picked it up. and drove one. i called my mom, she said they said i had to be there by 2,45. i was freaking out and crying, and reaally not well enough to drive over there, but i did. got there around 2,45. they said theyd have to ask the dr if i was too late. turns out they had an opening at 3. so i waited. it worked out fine. i told her some other concerns and i feel so dumb. i always go in the wth these bizarre concerns and she always tells me its nothing to worry about it or says its the medicine im on. i am so frustrated with no knowing whats wrong with me. i am determined to find out why i feel so bad. its mentally , but also physically. and before the dr came in,, i got my vitals. the lady took my pulse on the left, and said, mmm lemme check the other arm, youre usually not that high/fast. checked the toher one, same thing. i was thinking to myself, myaybe finally something will be wrong, everything will ctach up with me and something will be wrong... but no.. nothing.. whatever...
so thats that... oh yeah i got the physical, bc i think i am going to do an stna program. its a 2 week long course./program. not too excited about it and not too devasted. i just dont care. ill try it. but then go from there. i dont know. stna stands for state tested nurse assistant.. like a nurse aide. who knows what ill dow ith it..
sorry for the typos. i feel so shaking and just cant type rihgt.
everything seems like a huge effort for me.. typing, reading, walking, etc. i cant even sleep at night .. i go to bed early. lie there. and eventually fall asleep, but then ill wake up several times a night. i cant drive very well. im surprised i havent killed anyone. i always freak out. cus im like. oh shit, i didnt see that person/car.. etc.. i dont know. i feel like im in a daze all the time and esp. while driving. yeah i know some ppl get hypnotized while driving.. but this is different.
im lonely.. im tired... god i dont know.
see my new therapist tomorrow. ill see how that goes. im sure ill have something to write about from that..
i dont know. im getting a headache.
had a dentist appt at 10,45. thot i had a cavity, but didnt. wonder how much theyll charge me.
went to pick jesse up around 11,15. we went to lunch. and then odd lots and walmart. it was fun.
but i dont know if i wanna do it again. yeah i was a bit uncomfortable bc of my social skills, but i felt peerpressured into buying stuff. oh well. i think i will return everything i bought tho. he may have been in a manic stage or something, super high and wanted to buy everything! i bought stuff i didnt need. and i need to stop buying stuff so yeah..
i had a 2,30 appt in blanchester and wanted to be on the road for that by 2. my mom called around 1,50 seeing where i was. told her i was at my car at walmart and about to take jesse home. so then i was freaking out by the time, but how late it was. and i still needed to get something at my house. so i swung by my house and picked some things up. dropped jesse off at his place. and then called my mom cus i was freaking out. i was not going to be at the drs by 2,30 and i just didnt know what to do. and i had forgotten a piece of paper for the whole reason why i made the appt (i had to have the dr fill out a medical cert. like a physical). so my mom ended up calling the drs. and i went back home and picked it up. and drove one. i called my mom, she said they said i had to be there by 2,45. i was freaking out and crying, and reaally not well enough to drive over there, but i did. got there around 2,45. they said theyd have to ask the dr if i was too late. turns out they had an opening at 3. so i waited. it worked out fine. i told her some other concerns and i feel so dumb. i always go in the wth these bizarre concerns and she always tells me its nothing to worry about it or says its the medicine im on. i am so frustrated with no knowing whats wrong with me. i am determined to find out why i feel so bad. its mentally , but also physically. and before the dr came in,, i got my vitals. the lady took my pulse on the left, and said, mmm lemme check the other arm, youre usually not that high/fast. checked the toher one, same thing. i was thinking to myself, myaybe finally something will be wrong, everything will ctach up with me and something will be wrong... but no.. nothing.. whatever...
so thats that... oh yeah i got the physical, bc i think i am going to do an stna program. its a 2 week long course./program. not too excited about it and not too devasted. i just dont care. ill try it. but then go from there. i dont know. stna stands for state tested nurse assistant.. like a nurse aide. who knows what ill dow ith it..
sorry for the typos. i feel so shaking and just cant type rihgt.
everything seems like a huge effort for me.. typing, reading, walking, etc. i cant even sleep at night .. i go to bed early. lie there. and eventually fall asleep, but then ill wake up several times a night. i cant drive very well. im surprised i havent killed anyone. i always freak out. cus im like. oh shit, i didnt see that person/car.. etc.. i dont know. i feel like im in a daze all the time and esp. while driving. yeah i know some ppl get hypnotized while driving.. but this is different.
im lonely.. im tired... god i dont know.
see my new therapist tomorrow. ill see how that goes. im sure ill have something to write about from that..
i dont know. im getting a headache.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Shake, Shake, shake
first off, i am sorry... i havent been keeping up on my favorites. maybe on a non busy day when
im not so completely tired, i will catch up on things. so yeah, im sorry.
thanks for you notes though. i dont wanna leave a note on an entry that i havent read. so i will
leave a general thanks in here. and yeah i guess im still able to write an entry, but too tired to read one.. i dont know. sorry if i sound selfish..
so today.. got up around 8:15. left the house around 9:30 for columbus. me and my mom drove up to my sisters apt. my sister took me shopping. went to a cute restaurant.. cosi's. good food. then went to filiene's basement. i got like 5 shirts and one pair of nice pants. for my bday, my sister got me a 50 dollar personal shopping spree. well that was in may. and we finally got around to doing it. she has good tastes and stuff i wouldnt have thot would look good on me, i ended up getting. i need to add up my savings. cus the store sells designer clothing for cheap. anyways, she spent like twice the amount she was suppose to. and my mom bought me a pair of pants as well. oh well. i appreciate it tho. but then i treat them, mainly my mom, like dirt... i get so damn irritable and tense these days. got some jeni's ice cream. had to do that! then drove home.
well actually we drove to dayton to meet my dad to see hair spray. my sister and husband, my parents and me. it was good. finny. then we drove home and went for pizza. came back here and looked at their honeymoon pictures.
i have been noticing it more and more. and have noticed it before i went on this new medicine. that i shake. and something my whole body feels like its shaking. my mouth quivers or whatever. and my head shakes. kind of like im body or shivering, but im not. so i have no idea what thats about. but i have no insurance so i cant go to a dr.
im kind of depressed about my last entry. i only got one post/reply to it on the board. but thats not why im depressed. i just see my sister and her husband, and just yearn for something like that.. i dont know.. oh well.
im tired. but i just 'had' to get on here. and i wanted to write about my shakiness..
im not so completely tired, i will catch up on things. so yeah, im sorry.
thanks for you notes though. i dont wanna leave a note on an entry that i havent read. so i will
leave a general thanks in here. and yeah i guess im still able to write an entry, but too tired to read one.. i dont know. sorry if i sound selfish..
so today.. got up around 8:15. left the house around 9:30 for columbus. me and my mom drove up to my sisters apt. my sister took me shopping. went to a cute restaurant.. cosi's. good food. then went to filiene's basement. i got like 5 shirts and one pair of nice pants. for my bday, my sister got me a 50 dollar personal shopping spree. well that was in may. and we finally got around to doing it. she has good tastes and stuff i wouldnt have thot would look good on me, i ended up getting. i need to add up my savings. cus the store sells designer clothing for cheap. anyways, she spent like twice the amount she was suppose to. and my mom bought me a pair of pants as well. oh well. i appreciate it tho. but then i treat them, mainly my mom, like dirt... i get so damn irritable and tense these days. got some jeni's ice cream. had to do that! then drove home.
well actually we drove to dayton to meet my dad to see hair spray. my sister and husband, my parents and me. it was good. finny. then we drove home and went for pizza. came back here and looked at their honeymoon pictures.
i have been noticing it more and more. and have noticed it before i went on this new medicine. that i shake. and something my whole body feels like its shaking. my mouth quivers or whatever. and my head shakes. kind of like im body or shivering, but im not. so i have no idea what thats about. but i have no insurance so i cant go to a dr.
im kind of depressed about my last entry. i only got one post/reply to it on the board. but thats not why im depressed. i just see my sister and her husband, and just yearn for something like that.. i dont know.. oh well.
im tired. but i just 'had' to get on here. and i wanted to write about my shakiness..
Friday, July 20, 2007
Shakira=Awesome!!
I just posted this on a group I am in on Myspace. The Asexual group. Anyways.. here it is:
Hey all. Just thought I could post this in here.What if someone is not interested in dating anyone (guy or girl)? What does that make them? I know labels aren't accurate and polite, etc. But is that normal. Okay, well it's me. I won't put someone because it makes it complicated to write about. I mean, it could be because I am on anti-depressants and have been for several years.
But other than that I can't explain it or haven't a clue as to why I feel this way. I am pretty darn sure I am asexual. I have no desire to have sex. It grosses me out. Even kissing grosses me out. I sound like a little girl, but it's true. That's how I feel. But I thought anti-depressants just decrease the sexual desire. So why don't I want to be attracted to anyone? I know no one is going to have answers on here. But is there anyone else like me. ??I have been meaning to post this on here, for some time. So I apologize if this doesn;t belong on this board. -------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then I have this to add, which I didn't post on Myspace because I forgot.
I have been wanting someone in my life. So maybe I am attracted to someone. Or maybe it's because I have no friends and just feel so alone. I don't know. But I want to go to dating sites and look for ppl. Probably because I am lonely. I am glad I didn't post this part, cus it's jumbling and really is irrevelent. But yeah, I don't know which sex to choose. I am a woman, yeah..
Seeking a Male or Female.... That is when I don't know what to choose. So I don't know. I am fearful that this is not making any sense..
Got some CDs in the mail today...Shakira: Oral Fixation Vol2. Natalie Merchant: Retrospective. Norah Jones: Feel like home. and Come away with me... I don't think that's the album title. But I got the two earliest albums by her, NOT the more recent one.
I'm listening to Shakira right now. I love her voice!
Nothing much happened today.
In fact, I didn't really go out of the house today.. well I went out more than most days. I did go out to Ace and Blockbuster with my dad after supper. And took a walk with my dog and parents.
Man, there's this HP thing going on in our town. It's fucking redicoulous! Tons of people. But whatever. If it brings in revenue for this town, then good. Ha, I sound so funny!
Jesse called to see if I wanted to go to lunch next week. He left a message, and said he'd call back later. But I went ahead and called him. Talked for a bit. He's funny. But I need some more adjectives to say on the phone. I am so bland when I am on the phone.. well in person too. But we are going to lunch next week.
I think I am worse off than him. He goes to AA meetings. Granted, they are full of felons and gross people. But at least he gets some social stimulation and intereaction. I have no one... Blah.
Oh well.
Okay, Getting a headache.. again.. No idea why I have these headaches.. But yeah. fourth day in a row.
Hey all. Just thought I could post this in here.What if someone is not interested in dating anyone (guy or girl)? What does that make them? I know labels aren't accurate and polite, etc. But is that normal. Okay, well it's me. I won't put someone because it makes it complicated to write about. I mean, it could be because I am on anti-depressants and have been for several years.
But other than that I can't explain it or haven't a clue as to why I feel this way. I am pretty darn sure I am asexual. I have no desire to have sex. It grosses me out. Even kissing grosses me out. I sound like a little girl, but it's true. That's how I feel. But I thought anti-depressants just decrease the sexual desire. So why don't I want to be attracted to anyone? I know no one is going to have answers on here. But is there anyone else like me. ??I have been meaning to post this on here, for some time. So I apologize if this doesn;t belong on this board. -------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then I have this to add, which I didn't post on Myspace because I forgot.
I have been wanting someone in my life. So maybe I am attracted to someone. Or maybe it's because I have no friends and just feel so alone. I don't know. But I want to go to dating sites and look for ppl. Probably because I am lonely. I am glad I didn't post this part, cus it's jumbling and really is irrevelent. But yeah, I don't know which sex to choose. I am a woman, yeah..
Seeking a Male or Female.... That is when I don't know what to choose. So I don't know. I am fearful that this is not making any sense..
Got some CDs in the mail today...Shakira: Oral Fixation Vol2. Natalie Merchant: Retrospective. Norah Jones: Feel like home. and Come away with me... I don't think that's the album title. But I got the two earliest albums by her, NOT the more recent one.
I'm listening to Shakira right now. I love her voice!
Nothing much happened today.
In fact, I didn't really go out of the house today.. well I went out more than most days. I did go out to Ace and Blockbuster with my dad after supper. And took a walk with my dog and parents.
Man, there's this HP thing going on in our town. It's fucking redicoulous! Tons of people. But whatever. If it brings in revenue for this town, then good. Ha, I sound so funny!
Jesse called to see if I wanted to go to lunch next week. He left a message, and said he'd call back later. But I went ahead and called him. Talked for a bit. He's funny. But I need some more adjectives to say on the phone. I am so bland when I am on the phone.. well in person too. But we are going to lunch next week.
I think I am worse off than him. He goes to AA meetings. Granted, they are full of felons and gross people. But at least he gets some social stimulation and intereaction. I have no one... Blah.
Oh well.
Okay, Getting a headache.. again.. No idea why I have these headaches.. But yeah. fourth day in a row.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I'm burning up..
god i feel sick.. i have this huge fear of throwing up..
ihavent felt so great the past two days. tues nite i had a headache of some sort. my stomach hurt and i was dizzy and stuff. today, wednesday, i had a migraine/headache for the last half of the day. now my stomach hurts. it hurt after eating dinner. it feels how my stomach feels before i am about to have diarhhea. sorry tmi, i dont care.. but i am constipated so its just the feeling and no diarrhea.
i dont know anyone..
so i thot it would be a good idea to become a volunteer for the compeer program.. being on the giving end instead of the receiveing end. the application has a reference section. i have to put 4 down. i only have three. barely two or one. but yeah.. so i wont be able to put a forth down. its so hard filling out apps, bc of references.. no wonder i dont have a job..
uhm.. i finally have an appt with a therapist at the center... cept its the person who i didnt want to be with. i usually dont judge ppl by their looks. but in this case i am.. oh well. i have an appt. wednesday. so wish me luck..
i laid down around 1130pm tonite. and couldnt fall asleep. the weather alert went off around midnight. i got up and turned it off...felt really dixxy and came back to bed... felt naucious. then i thot id turn the tv on and check the weather. so i watched tv for a bit then.. then turned it off. laid back down.. then came on here.. i cannot sleep. i dont think im really tired tho.. i dont know..
i should be cleaning my room during times like these. but im afraid bugs will be hiding underneath a pile and itll freak me out.. since its dark and nighttime. yeah im weird..
uhg i got a headache and feel funny... this sucks..
its thundering again.. blah.. i hope the electtricty doesnt go off
my mom is thinking about getting a dog. i think its weird. but i think she wants to get another one for her or oscar. i dont know why she is thinking about getting another dog. its not going to replace chester.. so who knows.. shes looking online at humane societys and resuce sites. it has to be non shedding and hypo allergenic for me. so i dont know what will come of it
tomorrow im going for a volunteer lunch for compeer. to a buffet. sounds terrible to me, right now. i hope i feel halfway better tomorrow. then i have the painting lessons with the group. i acutally like that. i wish i could get the same supplies and paint on my own. but its probly expensice.
sorry for the typos.. i dont feel like correcting them
i dontknow what else to writeabout..
ihavent felt so great the past two days. tues nite i had a headache of some sort. my stomach hurt and i was dizzy and stuff. today, wednesday, i had a migraine/headache for the last half of the day. now my stomach hurts. it hurt after eating dinner. it feels how my stomach feels before i am about to have diarhhea. sorry tmi, i dont care.. but i am constipated so its just the feeling and no diarrhea.
i dont know anyone..
so i thot it would be a good idea to become a volunteer for the compeer program.. being on the giving end instead of the receiveing end. the application has a reference section. i have to put 4 down. i only have three. barely two or one. but yeah.. so i wont be able to put a forth down. its so hard filling out apps, bc of references.. no wonder i dont have a job..
uhm.. i finally have an appt with a therapist at the center... cept its the person who i didnt want to be with. i usually dont judge ppl by their looks. but in this case i am.. oh well. i have an appt. wednesday. so wish me luck..
i laid down around 1130pm tonite. and couldnt fall asleep. the weather alert went off around midnight. i got up and turned it off...felt really dixxy and came back to bed... felt naucious. then i thot id turn the tv on and check the weather. so i watched tv for a bit then.. then turned it off. laid back down.. then came on here.. i cannot sleep. i dont think im really tired tho.. i dont know..
i should be cleaning my room during times like these. but im afraid bugs will be hiding underneath a pile and itll freak me out.. since its dark and nighttime. yeah im weird..
uhg i got a headache and feel funny... this sucks..
its thundering again.. blah.. i hope the electtricty doesnt go off
my mom is thinking about getting a dog. i think its weird. but i think she wants to get another one for her or oscar. i dont know why she is thinking about getting another dog. its not going to replace chester.. so who knows.. shes looking online at humane societys and resuce sites. it has to be non shedding and hypo allergenic for me. so i dont know what will come of it
tomorrow im going for a volunteer lunch for compeer. to a buffet. sounds terrible to me, right now. i hope i feel halfway better tomorrow. then i have the painting lessons with the group. i acutally like that. i wish i could get the same supplies and paint on my own. but its probly expensice.
sorry for the typos.. i dont feel like correcting them
i dontknow what else to writeabout..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
